Handling Gym Weirdos: Blueprint Style
Posted: Fri Nov 19, 2010 8:30 pm
What we do in The Blueprint may be looked upon as radical/unorthodox by your fellow gym-goers. I haven't trained in a commercial gym in years but if it's anything like I remember..... you're going to have weirdos hanging all over you with questions. When I punched out these places were a magnet for weirdos, freaks and clowns of all sorts. People wearing neon clothes that stared at themselves in the mirror for hours at a time, asking questions on various things. I'm not talking about well meaning people here. Those folks you SHOULD learn, share and grow with as we do here.
These whack jobs though.....you can spot them a mile away because they've been there for years and you've never seen them sweat once.
If your gym is infested with these people (it only takes one) and you have the energy, please handle as follows:
GFH WEIRDOS*
Instruct the GFH crowd to eat green bananas. Loaded with testosterone precursors prior to going yellow. A dozen a day to load and 4-6/day thereafter to maintain. Gorilla's eat them. They don't even lift and look at how strong they are.
Throw a few in your gym bag and leave it open for the world to see. Adds to the effect, especially when you're setting PR's left and right. Tell them if they can't stomach a dozen/day during loading to rub the peels on the inside of their forearms/neck. Explain this is where the skin is thinnest and delivery into the veins/carotoid artery carries it into circulation faster. Transdermal delivery is a nice alternative. Expand on that by explaining the molecular weight of the precursor (aka "bananabol" in underground circles) is well under 500 - 375, in fact. This allows for easy transport through the strateum corneum, with eventual delivery into the bloodstream resulting a gradual time release effect. A bit slower than going through the gastrointestinal tract but still gets the job done.
Best application times are immediately prior to workouts, after a hot shower and again before bedtime. Emphasize how the hot shower opens the pores for more efficient delivery of said bananabol precursor.
Then, sit back and enjoy to stomach ache/slimy skin stories. Also, you may want to recommend a fly swatter if transdermal application is utilized. These people will become a magnet for them, especially in warm climates. Small price to pay for the gains realized.
CUTTING WEIRDOS*
Now you're going to run into dieters too, and they'll need your guidance. Back in my day, it was all about getting as big as possible. Green bananas were in but times change and so does your advice. Today, being "cut" or at least very lean is the goal. With these folks, it's all about birdseed. Yep, birdseed.
You want to recommend 3 tablespoons/day. They'll protest they can't chew it/hurts their teeth but offer up the following easy solution: Mix into sugar free yogurt. Makes getting your 3 daily servings a snap and it'll lend credibility to your story. You've obviously worked out a practical solution to challenges presented by the birdseed dosing protocol. You've done this before, you know your stuff.
Now on the MOA (mode of action), birdseed is a well know up-regulator of thermogenesis. Ever see a fat bird? Exactly. As with the gorilla example above, nature leaves clues.
The birdseed dramatically enhances your NATURAL (emphasize the word natural) thyroid optimization. Emphasize T3 in particular as it's the most "active" form of thyroid hormone. Expand futher on how the birdseed acts to convert a higher percentage of T4 to T3. Reinforce the fact that if they can't lose weight it isn't their fault, it's simply a function of the enzyme that converts T4 to T3 being absent or (especially in middle age weirdos), it's in decline due to age. As with all hormone levels (test, estrogen, insulin secretion/insulin sensitivity) everything starts declining. Forget the pizza they're eating/not working hard enough. Nothing to do with that. Make sure to emphasize it's not their fault. It's the decline in enzyme conversion that's to blame. Birdseed is the fix.
Also, explain that results manifest quickly. Within two weeks in fact. Set expectations of losing 1lb/day of pure bodyfat. No calorie counting necessary as the effects are so powerful they over-ride the role of thermodynamics (i.e. calories in/calories out). If 1lb/day loss isn't realized within the first week, simply recommend double dosing as there exists a small % of birdseed "non-responders" in the population.
If that still doesn't work, suggest switching brands as the pre-winter mix is a bit stronger than the springtime formulas.
Practice makes perfect, so do refine this 3x/daily in front of a mirror with an absolute straight face. Drop these tips 2 weeks prior to leaving. You'll probably have abs inside of a month from all the laughing...
*For both groups (this works especially well with dieters) if they're really buying into things, throw in jumping jacks to absolute muscular failure twice a week.
For the GFH crowd, helicopter squats (with bands) is another time tested favorite that few have mastered. Make sure to emphasize they need to think outside the box to get results if they've plateaued. Every great thinker goes against the grain. They can join the sheep (make sure to wave the hand illustrating all gym members) or follow you.
Ball is now in their court.
These whack jobs though.....you can spot them a mile away because they've been there for years and you've never seen them sweat once.
If your gym is infested with these people (it only takes one) and you have the energy, please handle as follows:
GFH WEIRDOS*
Instruct the GFH crowd to eat green bananas. Loaded with testosterone precursors prior to going yellow. A dozen a day to load and 4-6/day thereafter to maintain. Gorilla's eat them. They don't even lift and look at how strong they are.
Throw a few in your gym bag and leave it open for the world to see. Adds to the effect, especially when you're setting PR's left and right. Tell them if they can't stomach a dozen/day during loading to rub the peels on the inside of their forearms/neck. Explain this is where the skin is thinnest and delivery into the veins/carotoid artery carries it into circulation faster. Transdermal delivery is a nice alternative. Expand on that by explaining the molecular weight of the precursor (aka "bananabol" in underground circles) is well under 500 - 375, in fact. This allows for easy transport through the strateum corneum, with eventual delivery into the bloodstream resulting a gradual time release effect. A bit slower than going through the gastrointestinal tract but still gets the job done.
Best application times are immediately prior to workouts, after a hot shower and again before bedtime. Emphasize how the hot shower opens the pores for more efficient delivery of said bananabol precursor.
Then, sit back and enjoy to stomach ache/slimy skin stories. Also, you may want to recommend a fly swatter if transdermal application is utilized. These people will become a magnet for them, especially in warm climates. Small price to pay for the gains realized.
CUTTING WEIRDOS*
Now you're going to run into dieters too, and they'll need your guidance. Back in my day, it was all about getting as big as possible. Green bananas were in but times change and so does your advice. Today, being "cut" or at least very lean is the goal. With these folks, it's all about birdseed. Yep, birdseed.
You want to recommend 3 tablespoons/day. They'll protest they can't chew it/hurts their teeth but offer up the following easy solution: Mix into sugar free yogurt. Makes getting your 3 daily servings a snap and it'll lend credibility to your story. You've obviously worked out a practical solution to challenges presented by the birdseed dosing protocol. You've done this before, you know your stuff.
Now on the MOA (mode of action), birdseed is a well know up-regulator of thermogenesis. Ever see a fat bird? Exactly. As with the gorilla example above, nature leaves clues.
The birdseed dramatically enhances your NATURAL (emphasize the word natural) thyroid optimization. Emphasize T3 in particular as it's the most "active" form of thyroid hormone. Expand futher on how the birdseed acts to convert a higher percentage of T4 to T3. Reinforce the fact that if they can't lose weight it isn't their fault, it's simply a function of the enzyme that converts T4 to T3 being absent or (especially in middle age weirdos), it's in decline due to age. As with all hormone levels (test, estrogen, insulin secretion/insulin sensitivity) everything starts declining. Forget the pizza they're eating/not working hard enough. Nothing to do with that. Make sure to emphasize it's not their fault. It's the decline in enzyme conversion that's to blame. Birdseed is the fix.
Also, explain that results manifest quickly. Within two weeks in fact. Set expectations of losing 1lb/day of pure bodyfat. No calorie counting necessary as the effects are so powerful they over-ride the role of thermodynamics (i.e. calories in/calories out). If 1lb/day loss isn't realized within the first week, simply recommend double dosing as there exists a small % of birdseed "non-responders" in the population.
If that still doesn't work, suggest switching brands as the pre-winter mix is a bit stronger than the springtime formulas.
Practice makes perfect, so do refine this 3x/daily in front of a mirror with an absolute straight face. Drop these tips 2 weeks prior to leaving. You'll probably have abs inside of a month from all the laughing...
*For both groups (this works especially well with dieters) if they're really buying into things, throw in jumping jacks to absolute muscular failure twice a week.
For the GFH crowd, helicopter squats (with bands) is another time tested favorite that few have mastered. Make sure to emphasize they need to think outside the box to get results if they've plateaued. Every great thinker goes against the grain. They can join the sheep (make sure to wave the hand illustrating all gym members) or follow you.
Ball is now in their court.
