OK here's the plan. Next time something like this crops up, proceed as follows:
You want to have a pair of gym sweats you haven't washed in at least a year. Let them ferment in a pile somewhere until you can literally see the fumes coming off of them.
Now, just prior to putting them on slather yourself in DMSO right before the workout. Down at least 3 rounds of E/C and a whole lotta' the following:
Raisins
Root Beer
Apricots
Brocolli
Cabbage
Hard boiled eggs
Absolutely no blending of those to get them down. Also, make sure to NOT brush your teeth prior to leaving for the gym.
The Root Beer/H20 will drive explosive rear end emissions given the diabolical mix of gas producing raisins, apricots, brocolli, cabbage and eggs. Make sure you eat at least a half dozen of the latter (consult MSR9889 as he's our eggs-pert). The eggs are loaded with sulfur, which we want, as it extends the emission's severity/duration once you break wind.
Finally, do your absolute best not to take a dump prior to going to the gym. The ideal is to get into a state of severe abdominal pain, due to the gas/pressure building. Then, once you get to the gym, relax and let nature do its thing.
Do report back, because this is going to be epic... or so I've heard
